All this time I have been fighting my Bipolar; my mania and my depression and along with it had many, many fights with my family about how I can be well and how I should live. This has all got to stop. We all put so much pressure on ourselves about our work, social and home life. Hell we put pressure on ourselves about how to be happy and exactly how happy we should be. Now more than ever, thanks to social media, we compare ourselves to others and try to be the best at life and being happy. What is the point?
My family and maybe some of my friends think I am wasting my life. ATM I am off work due to stress and struggling to comply with my bipolar medication. I didn't mean to be off sick again (3rd time woops) but here I am. Now I get constant lectures about what I should be doing with my free time and how important my tablets are for my recovery (of course I know this but it's complicated. Maybe a subject for a separate post.) This pressure and judgement has only made me hibernate in my flat more and hate my life and everyone who judges me.
I don't feel like I am wasting my life though because whenever inspiration (which could be mania/ hypo-mania) strikes I go with it and write all my (possibly crazy) ideas, like this one, down in one of my many, many note books, on my phone or my laptop. I want to end the stigma about mental health as it is having a large and very negative effect on my life at them moment and I am sure on the lives of many others.
This particular inspiration came from one of my favorite shows "The 100." TBH it is the last place I expected to get inspiration for a Fighting 4 Fitness blog post but I swear this quote is going to be like my new motto. So I watched it years ago when it first came out and only just started watching it again yesterday. I'm not going to go into to great details about the show, although you should defiantly what it if you like sci-fi and suspense shows, but at the end of the first episode one of the characters, who is part of The 100, is about to Tarzan swing across a lake that has man eating snakes living in it (who wouldn't be scared? Right?) To help him build up the courage to do it one of the other members of The 100 Finn says to him "Hey, it's ok to be afraid, Jasper. The trick is not fighting it." Not fighting it? Hmmm.
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Cute cast as well, right?
But people always say fight your fears. We go further than that even: telling people to fight their feeling. Telling everyone to put on a brave face or stop mopping about and do something with your life.
I have always thought of my mental illness as something I have to fight but maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I should just allow myself to feel how I am feeling and be who I am in a particular moment. I shouldn't be changing myself for others so I don't seem crazy or depressed. I should just be me and live my life for the moment. It is the pressure I put on myself and the fight to be perfect or impress people that stops me from just being myself and enjoying my life how I choice to live it.
I want to explore this more in other posts and may even share a song I have started to write about this topic of ending the fight and just living our lives. But I think this post is long enough. I do however want to end by sharing a song that is related to this idea (if I still remember how to add one in, I'm not great at the tech stuff.) I used to end my blog in this way because I believe music speaks louder than words. I think this is why when I am manic I sing almost none stop all of my favorite and very inspirational songs. The song I want to share is called "Try" by Colbie Caillat it has a great message "you don't have to try so hard."
Yay! I did it! Thanks for reading.
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